Today has been a very educational day. And it's only half over! Imagine...
Allow me to share my new-found wisdom:
1. Never willingly sleep through your alarm if it is a Sunday morning and you have a long walk to church. You will eventually come to in a state of frantic panic in which you must dress, wash-up, eat, wrap in outdoor's garb and rush into the snow.
2. Don't assume that just because the big church door won't open when you tug on it that it is locked. Maybe you just have to jerk it really hard.
3. Never let the concerned nice seniors looking to "mother" you (or "father" you as the case may be) know that you have walked in the snow for thirty-five minutes if you have the least bit of desire to walk home. They won't let you and you'll have a spontaneous network set up to give you rides. Never mind that you need exercise - It's cold!
4. Never, ever sit close to the front of the sanctuary when you have never witnessed communion practice at that particular church before. Somehow, you will end up in the front of the line and will look stupid not knowing what to do. (In the same vein, decide beforehand how you are going to receive the elements, because if you put out your hand and open your mouth at the same time, um, more people than you will be confused. :P)
5. Don't let anyone know that you like to read if you don't want to be dragged to the library and encouraged to take out a book. And especially don't let anyone know that you enjoyed Pontius Pilate by Paul Meier if you don't want them to dig up other novels by the author for you to read.
6. Don't be caught between a half-deaf, ancient "Grandmother" (as they all call her) who wants to tell you about her life and the elderly gentleman who insists on taking you over to show you how to get hot chocolate and muffins. You just can't listen and talk to both at the same time.
7. Don't assume you know what to do with a Communion Card or that the Guest Book will be at the back of the church.
8. Wait a few moments before drinking your hot chocolate otherwise, you will have no skin left on the roof of your mouth.
9. But don't wait too long, or the nice gentleman will think you do not want it and will offer to go dump it out for you.
10. When two elderly gentlemen both take it upon themselves to find you a ride home, be sure to communicate clearly that you already have a ride to at least one of them, since you cannot ride home in two vehicles.