Tuesday, February 5, 2008

When you want something really badly.

How do you tell somebody that you really want what only they can give you, when you know that in order to give it to you, they'll have to do a lot more work? I can't figure out how to communicate in this circumstance. I'm afraid to ask, for fear of refusal. I'm afraid to not ask, for fear of never receiving. I'm scared that what I say won't express what I really want to communicate. I'm tormented by not knowing what the other person thinks about what I have said. It's very uncomfortable. This isn't the first time, nor the first person with whom I've had such an interaction. In fact, I seem to have this problem almost every day, though more crucial matters hang on certain conversations.
Maybe the problem is my own sinful sense of self image. I'm acutely conscious of my own pride and arrogance, so I guiltily try to compensate for it by striving for humility in my interactions. But all that that gives is a sense of hypocrisy and a wondering about whether other people percieve this hypocrisy.
I don't think I can stand this any longer...I guess I'll go to bed and pray for both "daily bread" and forgiveness. There sure isn't any other Person I can entreat for that which I really yearn for most heartily.


Snap said...

Just ask Pr. S.

Anan said...

If this mysterious person whom you want to request something from would be performing their vocation in life by helping you, then go ahead!

TruthQuestioner said...

The problem is, this 'mysterious person' is almost never the same person! 'He' simply is a figure representing many people to whom I wish to make requests.

Sometimes 'mysterious person' would be performing 'his' vocation, sometimes 'he' wouldn't.

The problem is figuring out which it is. :)